It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
