Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sarcasm needs its own font
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
