You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The power of my boobs compel you
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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