i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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