Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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