I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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