One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
