I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
