Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
