no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
