We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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