my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
