even my farts smell like vagina
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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