Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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