Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
