She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
