i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
