I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
