You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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