Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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