In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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