he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
