I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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