remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ketchup is God's man juice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
