I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
