Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
