I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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