two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
