I just made out with a guy for $7.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
