I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
