My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
