As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
