well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
