I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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