I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
