I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
