The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
