Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
