id be glad to
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
