And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so that wasnt chicken after all
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
