i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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