shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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