So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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