i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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