just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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