Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize