Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
