It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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