Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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