Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
