i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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