I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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