tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
