At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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