I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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