I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize