A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
