Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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