I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
