Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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