You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm both gender and math confused
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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