It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
