You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
