He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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