Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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