Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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