see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
