Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
