walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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